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Losing someone is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Losing what could have been is hard/ memories, experiences.

Almost six years ago I lost one of my best friends. She wasn’t only a best friend to me; she was also my mother. 

I had spent my whole life with her. She knew everything about me and now she was gone.

Three months before my wedding I lay with her in hospice care as she took her last breath. 

Losing her was hard. Losing someone you love is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Losing what could have been, was hard. Losing the one person who knew you since birth was devastating. Memories and experiences I hadn’t thought to ask about gone with one slow shallow breath.

I would lose so much. She would lose everything.

My wedding, what we had dreamed about since I was a little girl, gone.

Her first grandchild, and becoming the Nana she wanted to be, gone

Seeing her second grandchild born (during a pandemic no less), gone. 

I gave birth alone as I had no other family to watch my son and I knew he needed his father more than I did. And I missed my mom even more. 

I miss her voice, not sure if I remember it.

I miss hugs when I’m feeling down 

I miss not being able to ask her if I was like my kids growing up.

I miss her so much 

And what saddens me the most is that she can’t be here in the way I always thought she would. 

I knew she would die eventually it’s a fact of life but I didn’t know she would be gone so fast. Gone before I was ready. Ripped away leaving a gaping hole that can never be filled.

Every day I try to do something for my children in the way my mother did for me. Every day I remember her. Every day I wonder if she is ok and if she is lonely. Every day I remember how much I was loved. Every day I remember how much I loved her. Everyday life goes on without her here.

This is one major life event that shaped me into the person I am. And it changed me in every way, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Because without having loved and being loved I wouldn’t have those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that pull me through the grief.

What is a pivotal moment that changed you? Good or bad, happy or sad? I would love to hear from you.

Looking forward to connecting with you,

Megan